we decided to let all those feelings bind us
step by step
we still go on
all wobbly steps
creating crunchy sounds
tears, pebble, rose, tissue, chocolate, aspirin
hugs, kisses
we found our self laughing in this pain
lost in blindness
and then
in the name of love
i know i push u to beloved
i let my heart to deal with it
and in the name of love
lets love, love its self
lets wait this whole feelings lost its strenght
couple of heart have no objection for whatever its take
valentine 2010*
*dedicated to shane who gives the idea, "poem for valentine?" :D
picture taken from http://mylife-mythings.blogspot.com/2009/07/month-of-love.html
1 comments:
shane send me comment in my email; so i post it here ;p
Hi
There's a wonderful rhythm to this poem.
Where did you get the idea of "we decided to let all those feelings bind us"? It's a very mature notion that puts the lovers at the centre of free will.
Then I like the change of pace and humour with "creating crunchy sounds".
Think about which parts of the poem sound good to your ear and which don't sound so good.
"I let my heart to deal with it" should be "I let my heart deal with it", but it doesn't work anyway...losing some focus here.
Check spelling: "itself" and other words
Perhaps read it again out loud and listen to your voice...you'll hear what you should keep and what you should change.
Shane
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